Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
