I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
