You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
