I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
