he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
