You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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