you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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