After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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