I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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