There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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