Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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