I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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