I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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