It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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