4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
