Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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