dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
