Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
