I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
