i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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