At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
