Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
