I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize