I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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