cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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