I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Randomize
