Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
