So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
