Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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