I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
