I smell stomach acid.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
