somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
