So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
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some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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