I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
