Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
