Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize