he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
