i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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