I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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