Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
