I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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