So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
