2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
