i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
