you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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