I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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