it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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