You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
