Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
