I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
