Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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