found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
