I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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