i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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