I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
