Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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