I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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