i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
