Got a toothbrush?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
