Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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