I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
