It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
