note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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