You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
