I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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