If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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