They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
