My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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