I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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