Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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