I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
