you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
